MY DEEPEST FEAR

According to author Marianne Williamson, my deepest fear is this:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

It's been nearly 8 years since I pulled "A Return To Love", off my bookshelf, and found myself headed in a better direction after finishing the book. We all have those moments in time where our course is shifted, re-directed, by discovering a new perspective on life. So why all of a sudden do I find myself thinking of the lessons I learned all those years ago? I think because I am working so hard on my next challenge... the emotional eating stuff. More than once this past week I've had to sit myself down and have a serious talk about my own self worth! It's a huge struggle for me, to be "worth" it! It's actually so much easier for me to place my energy and efforts into helping other people, saving animals, doing volunteer work in the community... easier than facing what I have been avoiding or medicating away with food.

For me, it is a choice though. It has been suggested that there is a period between when something triggers that overpowering urge to eat something (not real hunger, the kind that comes on suddenly, even though I've just eaten a meal recently, or the kind where only ice cream or cookies will make it better), and the actual eating occurs. I guess it's been kind of an unconscious thing for me, until I've finished eating when or what I don't really need for nutritional purposes, and the guilt sets in. And over the past few days I've really taken notice to that process. Guess what? It's true!!! I am making the decision to go ahead and numb those bad feelings with comfort foods. The next step for me is going to be to face those feelings, fears, and emotions head on. Since I've already quoted once this post, I'll share another one that has been on my mind all week.

It's a Native American folk tale, or at least that's how it was told to me. A grandfather explains to his grandson that he has two wolves inside him. One wolf fills him with hope and reminds him how wonderful his life is, and the other fills him with doubt and convinces him that nothing is worth the effort. The grandson asks, concerned for his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?" The grandfather replies, "Whichever one I feed."