HOT FUDGE and other food analogies

This story begins several weeks ago at Arctic Circle (the fast food restaurant), but has it's real roots in the 1980's during my early teens, growing up with four brothers.

Ice cream is my favorite treat, and while I usually prefer the snobbier side of ice cream, Haagen Dazs and the likes, I'm also a sucker for a hot fudge sundae. A few weeks ago I had just such a hankering, so we made the decision to get dinner from the Arctic Circle drive-thru. The reason I like my sundaes from A.C. is that they include whipped cream, nuts, and a cherry. Not too shabby for fast food, heh? Nuts are what make the sundae in my opinion, so location IS important to me. Our order came out, my sundae was nut-less, the situation had to be corrected. At this point in the story I guess it's relevant to explain how flustered and frustrated Jeff can get sometimes when ordering at a drive-thru, mostly because he is dealing with three other people who are very particular, and require that he make modifications to menu items, in order to get the exact thing they want. He ordered my sundae WITH NUTS, I heard him, so the fact that it was nut-less was the fault of the sundae maker. Jeff was already a bit flustered when he had to knock on the drive-thru window to get the guy's attention. When our young, seemingly naive, and somewhat flustered himself, attendant opened the window, Jeff blurted out, "Do you have nuts?" A long, uncomfortable pause followed. Broken only by my raising of the sundae to show him that what we really meant to say was, "You forgot to put nuts on my sundae." I got my nuts, and we all had a good laugh at Jeff's expense. Hot fudge has more than one meaning in our world, nuts do too. Now anytime someone orders something that could be construed as "dirty", we don't hesitate to make the analogy... Immature? Of course it is, but hey, that's how I was raised! I've mentioned before that I grew up with four brothers, and it had a profound impact on my level of social maturity.

Tonight I was really craving a hot fudge sundae. I've been dieting all week, and could sense that I was teetering on the edge of some kind of breakdown. What I really wanted was Baskin-Robbins or even Arctic Circle, but decided that McDonald's would suffice. "Besides," I told the family, "at least McDonald's has nuts." That's when Brit said, "Yea, don't they have those little nut sacks?" Oh, boy!!! Let the games begin!