JUST SAY NO!

I haven't been able to blog lately, not since we got back from Arizona, and I haven't been really reading other bloggers either. There has been a mental block going on inside my head for several weeks that shows no signs of clearing itself out so I thought maybe I'd take a stab at breaking it apart myself. My time in Arizona was a great break from the cold, wet, winter, and it was just what I needed to stay a little healthier this year. It was also a break from the near constant drama that seems to come from being born with (or adopted into) the Swensen name. I really do try to steer clear of so called negative posting, but please bear in mind that I am trying to purge myself of this terrible "block" that is fixing to burrow in and stay a while.

I doubt life for the oldest of seven kids is a breeze for anyone lucky (or unlucky) enough to acquire the position. But I've managed to make the whole thing harder on myself by making myself "responsible" for the rest of my siblings early on. I took it upon my shoulders to worry about their well-being, protect them from pain and hardships, and rescue them when protection wasn't enough. Basically I took on a parental role and over time came to be counted on like a parent would be. I can't be sure why I did this since I can't completely remember when I started. I don't think my intentions were bad, and I hope I helped and did some good along the way. Another surprising aspect of taking upon yourself this responsibility is that your own parents will let you! And in a family with seven kids, who could blame them... if one child steps forward and says "I'll do that," who wouldn't say "Sweet!" So now I find myself feeling the aches and pains of my siblings sorrows the same way I would/do for my own kids. And I am trying to deal with the guilt of choosing my own little family first, and basically abandoning my siblings if I can't do both. Yes, I know they have a mom and a dad, and the responsibility of acting as a parent is theirs'. But it's not always so "black and white" in the deep folds of my psyche. My time in Arizona was a well needed break from this enormous responsibility.

The problems don't just disappear though. They wait. So last night when I got a late night call from my mom to let me know that my brother was served with papers to strip away his parental rights, and that my former sister-in-law is planning to sever all ties with our family because she has remarried and wants to start a new life, and that we will no longer be able to be a part of my nephew's life, it was just the last straw! And my mom thinks for some reason that if I could just call former sis-in-law and explain how much we love my nephew and how much better his life will be with us in it, and how much more love he would have with us around, that maybe she will change her mind. And I whole-heartedly believe that all those things are true. But I couldn't do it. After thinking about it all night, all I could do was tell her how much we love my nephew, and we love her, and I want both of them to be happy and be at peace. And I have no right to tell her what the best choices are for my nephew, just because I want her to choose something different. I don't know what she needs to do to make her new marriage work, and to feel like she is being a good mother. I couldn't be angry with her, I couldn't condemn her, I couldn't beg her to reconsider, even though that's what I wanted. This is a little boy that we took care of half of every week for nearly a year when my brother lost custody for a time. He became a part of our lives. I bathed him, dressed him, fed him, read stories to him, lay next to him at night till he fell asleep. My kids played with him, took care of him, taught him things, and loved him like a little brother. My heart is breaking to think we can't see him anymore.

So what is the cause of all this heartache? Drugs.

My brother, it seems, has a harder time making good decisions than most. I am not trying to judge. In fact I completely understand that for many people, real life is something they need to escape from, and self-medicating is a common way to accomplish this. It's not a rare condition. The world can be terribly unfair and downright cruel, believe me I know well how unfair things can get and we all have to try to cope with the consequences. But coping is different than escaping, and this is where I've got to take a stand. I've witnessed and endured some pretty horrible schtuff. I have burned in my brain the kind of material the writers for "SVU" or "Cold Case" might come looking for, so believe me when I say I wouldn't mind a little escaping once in a while. While I won't judge another for their methods, and won't blame them, I will give these words of caution. Drugs are not the answer! Unless more trouble and heartache is what you're after. Or you like mooching off of family and friends, transient living arrangements, burning bridges, and losing jobs. Drugs will eventually get you arrested and sent to jail. Maybe you will even have your three year old son with you at the time and then child protective services will get involved. Drugs will stunt your emotional maturity, make you a burden both physically and mentally on the people who love you, and make it nearly impossible for you to have meaningful relationships. Drugs will not only bring chaos and pain to your own life, but to the lives of everyone you know, to some level, and you will always let people down. Maybe you will lose your privilege to drive, have to rely on the kindness of others to get you to work, or be a slave to bus schedules. You will lie, cheat, steal, and eventually you will lose everything. If drugs don't kill you, you will likely spend the rest of your life trying to recover from all that has been laid to waste during the time that drugs ruled your life. We all want to find a way to deal with our personal pain, but it's wrong to think that what you choose won't affect the people who love you so just say NO to drugs!

I'M HOME..!

And I may even start blogging again.

APACHELAND

Whenever Jeff is here on weekends we try to stay busy because of his ADD, or ADHD, or his low tolerance for boredom, or his 7-8 Cokes a day. It depends on which source you ask... but I am straying from the real topic... we go places. Sometimes we have a specific destination in mind and sometimes we just drive. Jeff wanted to get a closer look at the Superstition Mountains to our east so we DROVE in their direction. On roads. And later on dirt roads. We had lunch before leaving home and wouldn't you know it, Nature decided to place a call! And then we happened upon this tiny blessing...

And I fell in love with Arizona all over again! Can you see the Superstition Mountains in the background? This dirt road led to another paved road, which led us smack into Apacheland Movie Ranch and Superstition Mountain Museum. If I had known we were only five minutes from civilization, I wouldn't have used Ol' Blue, but that's all yellow water under the bridge now.

Apacheland has been the setting for many a Western movie set, and for many t.v. shows too. Who out there remembers Gunsmoke? You have to be pretty old like me to remember that television series... but to the point... Gunsmoke was filmed in Apacheland too. (Now who has ADD?) So we toured the place.

We saw this rusty rock crushing thing


And these big rusty buckets


And these old machines in a cage

And then this is where the kids decided that Apacheland was a place that Grandpa Ellis would love!

There's a church...


...where Elvis lives


And a windmill


And all the rest of this stuff






And then we got bored, so we left.

The End.

HIGHS AND LOWS

Unless you were actually here today, you will NOT believe how warm it was... 87 degrees!!! Can you even believe it? And I don't think that is a record high for this date. It has been really warm for about three days and even though it's harder to walk the dogs in the middle of the day, it makes the evenings and nights sooooo nice. It reminds me of summer in Utah, here, right now. So today I am loving the extra warm weather and trying to preserve the feeling of being warm enough so that I can make it through the rest of March when we get back in a couple of weeks. Another high point to the past few days has been my current wheels. My brother-in-law has been borrowing our big, black truck for hauling around atvs and whatnot, so I got "stuck" with my sis-in-laws RAV4. Oh how I love parking wherever I want, pulling in and out of traffic without cringing, or holding my breath every time I have to merge on to the Interstate. The RAV4 is no Prius, but it's still a pretty sweet car to be "stuck" with! Thanks Woodards!

Since we have a lot to do in the next 9 days before we leave AZ, we decided to tackle a few of those things today... get it over with. We have quickly become addicted to some of the things this lovely State has to offer that we just can't get at home. For example, we drove all the way out to Queen Creek Olive Mill again last week to get just one more yummy gelato, and stock up on the best olive oil you will ever taste. There are a few health food items that Sprouts carries here, and we've never seen in any of the local places in Utah so we needed to stock up there as well. On our way to one destination, we happened upon the grand opening of a Dunkin' Donuts and we decided we HAD to stop.
It didn't really even have to do with whether we can get Dunkin' Donuts in Utah or not, because maybe we can, I've never checked. It had more to do with the fact that we mostly eat the most bland and boring foods on the planet (at least they are bland compared to donuts) and donuts sounded so good today. Even better they have a drive-thru! We got a whole dozen and started eating them in the car right away. Brit took control of the box like he was the boss of us and all that; he said he would take a bite of each one and then pass them to us. Kaylee was turned around clawing at him and we were not settled back down until we each had a donut in hand. We pulled into the parking lot and that's when all hell broke loose! It took me several minutes to realize that we were just shoveling those poor donuts into our mouths like we might never eat again! I would say this is a new low for us, except that we did this same exact thing last week with KFC. Oh, and sorry about your car Jen. Haha! I'm kidding?

VD AND A CRAP-LOAD OF MUSEUMS

In case you didn't already know, last weekend was Valentine's Day. Jeff wasn't planning to fly down three weekends in a row, but all it took was this face...

...and he was sunk. So Daddy arrived, chocolates in hand, to make this the best Valentine's Day weekend of all time.


Friday we decided to have lunch at The Landmark Restaurant in downtown Mesa. It was yummy and a fun/unique place to eat. And while we were already there, we thought, why not visit the Arizona Museum of Natural History?


This guy (or gal) greets you as you walk in and my first thought was that I'm grateful Jeff will be hunting tiny (helpless and defenseless) wild pigs this next weekend instead of one of these. The odds are more in the humans' favor to get out alive, I'd think.


Imagine meeting this guy face to face in a dark alley! Sort of looks like me in the mirror first thing in the morning... till I get my face on.


The Museum was just aw'right dog, it was just okay for me. For the life of me I cannot understand why this...






And even more specifically, why in the world, this?..






Apparently many of the answers we seek can be found by simply lifting the lid! There was more on poop, A LOT more, but I am too tired to to go on. It's time for me to take a break. Maybe I'll have some tea... and poop.


Saturday we stumbled upon Apacheland but it deserves a post of it's own. Hopefully I'll give it one!

FIVE FAVES

Kaylee tagged me for this and I ALWAYS follow through with tags... sometimes... eventually I try!

My five faves

Five fave things
Family
Sun
Ocean
Chocolate
Dogs

Five fave movies
Mamma Mia
The Notebook
Nat'l Lampoon's Vacation
Moulin Rouge
Little Miss Sunshine

Five fave books
"Ishmael" daniel quinn
"A Return To Love" marianne williamson
"The Historian" elizabeth kostova
"The Red Tent" anita diamant
"Pride and Prejudice" jane austen

Five fave foods
Chocolate
Sweet potato fries
Fresh squeezed juice
Ice cream
Sushi

Five fave places
Anywhere in the Caribbean
Moab
Disneyland
The beach
Anywhere my family is

So that's me, in an approximately 25 word nutshell!

WHY HOME'S COOL? *UPDATE! edit to FAQ paragraph*

I have been asked more in the last few weeks about homeschooling than any other time since I started ten years ago. I didn't realize how obvious it would be to Arizonians that we are "different" than most of the other families here. Everywhere we go on a week day, between the hours of 9am and 3pm, we get asked at least once why the kids are not in school! The difference must be that in Utah, public schools are on a year round rotation, with certain kids always "off-track." People are used to seeing school-aged kids tagging along with their parents during the day. Here... not so much. But nice old ladies at the grocery store are not the only ones asking about homeschooling. I've had a few people call, email, or just ask me about why we choose to educate this way, how we do it, and do I think they could pull it off. So I will answer the last question first by saying, yes, I believe ANYONE can homeschool, and be successful at it!

Why did I decide to homeschool? What drove me to give up precious, quiet hours that we all earn after raising babies to toddlers, and toddlers to pre-schoolers? The answer is both simple and complex at the same time. I was going to try to list all of these reasons from top to bottom, but in the end, none of the complex reasons matter because the simple reason for why I chose to homeschool, and stuck with it, is that it felt right. That doesn't mean it wasn't scary at first, or that it wasn't hard. It doesn't mean I didn't doubt myself on a regular basis either. But once I made the choice to do it, I gave it my all. I read stacks of books. I ordered curricula. I talked to other homeschoolers and got involved in a few activities and groups. It WAS scary, but I was determined to make it work. When I think back to the early years I have to laugh at myself. I wasted a lot of energy worrying about making Brit's homeschool experience as close to a public/private school experience as possible. My methods now are so different. That is the way it works though, you learn as you go.

So... how is it done? In Utah you can homeschool any way you like. The school district will not have much to say about how you teach your kids, or what you teach them, so long as they are being educated in some way or another for the required number of hours each year. If you are considering pulling your kids out of public or private school, the first thing you should do is to contact the school district where you live, inform them you will be homeschooling, and that you have sent your letter of exemption in. In Utah there is a state-wide organization for homeschoolers to help inform, protect, and educate parents called Utah Home Educators Association. I suggest visiting their website if you are considering homeschool. My guess is that each state has a similar organization that could be found thru a google search. Once you've pulled your kids out, my second bit of advice is to join a "group" of homeschoolers in your area. These groups are pretty easy to find nowadays by searching for them online. I personally subscribe to at least four Yahoogroups in my area, and participate actively with two of those groups. It helps to get involved with other homeschooling families. You can also join co-ops where actual classes are taught. And then, sit back and just let things happen for a while. Ease into it, find a flow, don't try to make your homeschool days feel like public/private school days. Some kids need to "decompress" after being in such a rigid kind of environment. It could take up to a year before everyone readjusts to the changes. Something important to remember is that when your kids are with you, they ARE learning. Even if you are outside weeding flower beds, or inside cleaning the kitchen, they are learning something from you. Everything we do is considered homeschool. Once you have a chance to catch your breath, start reading! Find whatever information you can on homeschooling. If you hate to read reference type stuff, use the internet, or talk to as many other homeschoolers as you can. Soon you will start to see your own brand of homeschooling emerge and you can build on that.

What does a typical day look like for us? K, I'm going to let you all in on a little tidbit about me... I am not a big schedule follower! I kinda despise rigidity and love flexibility. On the flip side, I like to feel in control and organized. Yes, I am my own worst enemy! The compromise is that we try to get all our academics done in the morning before lunch so that we can be more flexible in the afternoons. And the biggest thing I try to avoid is over-scheduling. Before we left for Arizona we would get up in the mornings, do our chores, take our showers, eat our breakfast, and then get going on the lessons we had for the day. This year I signed the kids up for classes offered in our area that they said they were interested in such as art, debate, and fitness. Kaylee belongs to a book group that meets once a month, and Brit belongs to a teen group that meets twice a month and then sometimes on weekends for activities. Kaylee has taken piano and violin for music, and Brit is learning to play the guitar. In Arizona we have not had the classes like we did at home, but the rest is similar.

FAQs. There are some predictable and frequently asked questions about homeschooling. What about socialization? What about friends? What about Prom? Aren't they missing out on so much? What about college? First, I think the fact that there are over a million registered homeschoolers in the U.S., and the numbers keep growing, says something about the perceived obstacles. I'm going to go out on a limb here and just say it like I see it... what kids are getting at school is NOT socialization! *Edited to say* Socialization (IMHO) is so much more than a few hours a day in a classroom or on a playground, it's about all the things and experiences we help provide for our kids, and the diversity of those experiences. I agree that if a family decides to homeschool mainly to keep their kids away from "regular" kids, there will be obvious differences. Our personal decision to homeschool was not to isolate our kids from society, but more to help them be a part of society, with fewer of the negative distractions that are inevitable in a crowded classroom. And friends? This issue has become more important as my kids get older, and has been something we do have to work on constantly. But, that is not always, or even usually the case for most if you live in an area where there are kids o' plenty and where you may have them involved in church and sports activities. Kids are starting to have to rely more on these types of friendships anyway as more people choose charter or private schools and neighborhoods are divided up this way. What about all of the rites of passage that your kids would miss out on? Prom and other school dances, high school graduation, sporting events or playing on teams. There are many ways to handle these issues and you have to handle them differently with each child. In Utah, at the high school level, kids can enroll part-time for only classes they are interested in, or they can enroll in a couple of classes to be eligible to play on the football, baseball, etc. team. Beyond that, there are so many leagues to get your kids involved with if sports are their calling in life. In Utah, we have two separate proms at the end of each school year, but again, there are ways to work around this issue. Each college or university has it's own requirements for admission. As far as I know, no one has ever been turned down admission to college or university because they were homeschooled, including Ivy Leaguers such as Stanford, Harvard, Yale, etc. The plan for getting into the college of your choice is to plan ahead! No matter how you've been educated, you must find out far enough in advance what that college or university will require of you, learn and study to the level that will be required, and do the pre-requisites that they will want from you. Most often, homeschoolers will simply need to show that they are/have been homeschooled, have taken a college entrance exam (ACT, SAT, etc.) and be able to pass the essay or admissions interview. Most homeschoolers who plan to continue on with their higher education actually get an early start by taking college courses online.

Wow! I'm getting tired! How 'bout you? Hopefully some of this info will help, especially the people who were asking in the first place. I could write a novel length post about it all, there's so much information to cover. I think this is good for now. The choice to homeschool is a very personal one. If it's what you FEEL is right for you and your family, the whys and hows will fall into place. However, it is much easier to take it on with help from others who have been there. I'm always willing to talk about what I've learned along the way. Just ask.